Can I Offer You Some Feedback? - Episode #27

Show Notes:

In this episode of “Can I Offer You Some Feedback?” Sara talks with Operations Executive and Culture Strategist, Diana. Being a coach by nature, Diana often gives others feedback. The process of giving feedback begins with kindness and empathy. The other component of this is honesty. Lastly, feedback has to serve a purpose to elevate or help the person. Think about feedback as a way to feed forward! Subscribe to this podcast today and so you never miss an episode! 

Episode #27: Integrating Empathy into Feedback

Sara: Welcome to, Can I Offer You Some Feedback? My name is Sara. And this is the podcast for those who have a complicated relationship with feedback and are looking to hear from real people across levels and industries with their ideas, perspectives, and best practices on feedback. Before we dive in, I'd like to introduce our guest for the podcast today, Diana. She's an operations executive and culture strategist. Welcome to the conversation. 

Diana: Oh, so happy to be here, Sara. Thanks for having me. 

Sara: Absolutely. Well, let's kick things off with the main question of the podcast. When I say the phrase, 'can I offer you some feedback?' What's your gut reaction when you hear that? 

Diana: I know no one will believe this, but I'm actually like, "bring it on." Like I tell everyone I like feedback. And I like it because, for me, it means that if you're giving me feedback, now I can fix or change whatever it is that the issue is. Because I think over the years, I wasn't always like that. But I think over the years, I really began to appreciate and understand the importance of being able to receive feedback to my growth, be it personally or professionally, and maintaining really good relationships. So, I prefer straight feedback from people. So I'm good with it. 

Sara: And I'd say no one who knows you would be surprised that you say bring it on. I'm definitely not surprised by that. You mentioned kind of both, the giving and the receiving, which do you prefer to be the giver or receiver of feedback? 

Diana: As much as I say bring it on, I really do like being the giver of the feedback. And I think I'm a coach by nature. And I think I've been put in that role. Like in my family, everybody asks me for feedback. And in my professional life, everybody asks me for feedback. But I think they ask me for feedback because of the way that I give it. And I do like being the giver of feedback because I like being able to see how if I give somebody some feedback and I do it in the right way, it can really change their thinking and help them to obtain goals or do things that they weren't able to do before when people aren't willing to tell them how to improve. So, I really like giving feedback. And that's why when anybody asked me for it, I'm ready. I'm ready to give my honest opinion on those things. 

Sara: Yeah. And you've kind of started teasing on this a little bit, that candor, right? That realism with that feedback and being able to tell the person the way it is. I'll still ask the question, how do you define meaningful feedback? Does it have some of those components in there? 

Diana: Yes. For me, meaningful feedback starts with kindness and empathy. Because I think before you give feedback to someone, you really need to deliver it in a kind way. Because like I always say, if I'm ready to receive your gift of feedback, I don't want it all wrapped up in a package of anger with a little boar hate on it. I can't receive it. I can't receive it. But people can receive things better if you're kind and you're empathetic to like whatever it is I'm giving you feedback about, understanding why were you acting that way or why is it that you are doing something a certain way, being able to bring that empathy I think it's important. 

The other component I think is it has to be honest. You know, it's hard. People struggle with giving honest feedback to people. We really want to spare people's feelings. I think sometimes because people don't know how to deliver it. I said, even when you're paid to be a supervisor, and you have to give people feedback, there are all these people walking around not having any idea what they're doing wrong. Because even the supervisor is a little afraid. So I think that it's important to deliver the feedback in a kind way. But actually, it'd be honest about what it is. And then I think the last thing is it has to serve a purpose. Like why am I giving you this feedback? And I think it has to serve a purpose to elevate the other person or to help them and not just me to get something off my chest or to make me feel better. You know, what's the point of me giving them that feedback? 

Sara: Yeah. And I think sometimes folks when they think of constructive feedback, they think actually of destructing feedback. 

Diana: Yes, absolutely. 

Sara: How do I destroy this person rather than how do I build them up? How do I support them and who is this benefiting right now? Is it really that person? 

Diana: We go in a lot of times giving feedbacks what benefits us, so I can feel better. But I really try to do it in a way where it's like, what is it for the person? You know, because what is it going to make better? And it's for change. You know, apparently, they're doing something and I'm trying to do it in a way that's going to actually get a result as opposed to a reaction. 

Sara: Absolutely. Could you maybe provide us with an example or share an experience of a time where you've seen or maybe receive meaningful feedback? 

Diana: I had this happen to me before. I'm trying to think. It was me giving feedback to someone. So, they had done something, and I'm going to tell you, I was a little mad. And I was going into the session like to meet with them or talk to them about it. And I was going in a little ready to load it with bear, like to tell them all the things. And it was so funny. Right before we get on the call, something in my brain said, ask them or talk to them. And instead of me really coming out with, 'you didn't do this and you didn't do that and you didn't do this,' I started with how are you? And then I started talking about like why is this happening? And out of that unveiled all of these things that were going on in this person's personal life that I would have never known about. 

And I would have felt so bad. And then I was able to help them. I was able to give them feedback on how to better show up at work and do those things, taking into consideration all those things that were going on in their life. And I learned a valuable lesson from that because I was so happy that I didn't start with the conversation that I thought I was going to start with. So that was some time ago. But that sticks in my brain and always reminds me how to approach people. 

Sara: Absolutely. And that can be hard in the moment to stop the gut reaction of like, I'm going to tell them to end sadly like, let me understand why right now. And take that time.

Diana: Yes, the why is so important. 

Sara: Yeah. I'm curious, you've been a supervisor yourself, obviously, an individual contributor many years ago, you've been a manager of managers, you've been an executive leader. I'm curious if you had one wish for something people could do better regarding feedback. What would it be? 

Diana: You know what? It really piggybacks off of what I just said. I wish that we would start with understanding things from the other person's perspective first before we jump in. I think just being able to go in a situation and see things beyond our own lens and how I'm feeling about it and what they should be doing and trying to be a little empathetic about what is it? Why is this person doing whatever it is that I feel like I have to give this feedback on? And it makes having the difficult conversations a lot less difficult. 

But a lot of people don't do that. They just know, again, what's in it for me? And I think you have to think about like, what's in it for the person? What's the end goal? Like I'm going to have this conversation with this person, what is the goal? And the goal really should be to better them, to move them forward. I was reading this article and it was talking about that we don't want to say feedback. We want to say feed forward. Like not harping on what happened in the past, that they absolutely cannot change, but using feed-forward as a way of talking about the situation and how are we now going to approach each other, address each other going forward as opposed to everything that you did that you can't change. 

Sara: Yeah. And having that future orientation as well. I've also seen that slight shift for some people to help refocus. Excellent. Well, for our last question and our time together, Diana, can I offer you some feedback? 

Diana: Yes. 

Sara: One of the things that I've noticed kind of working with you, working alongside you is I love how real you are with your feedback. You kind of actually touched on it a little bit today, but it's a no-nonsense, honest approach that I love and appreciate the directness. Now, I've certainly had other leaders in my life who've been direct, but it's been direct in a way that's not productive. I appreciate that instead of going around the bush, you're like, "we've got a bush here. We need to talk about it. How are we going to handle it?" You just own it in the moment and it's not an aggressive conversation. It's an open conversation. You're tying in that empathy. 

So I've been really appreciative of that of myself and I'm sure the teams you've worked with as well. But I'd love to see more people benefit from that. I know you do that in your own practice right now, but it's really an asset to be able to talk to people in a just matter-fact way. Right? Just because this is business doesn't mean I can't handle you as a person. So I really appreciate that and I'm grateful for that in our collaborations as well. 

Diana: Well, thank you. I appreciate that feedback. 

Sara: Excellent. Well, Diana, thank you so much for taking time to speak with me, and thanks to you for joining us in another episode of, Can I Offer You Some Feedback? You can reach me at podcast@mod.network. We would love to hear from you on your thoughts and feedback on any other perspectives you'd like to hear from next. As always, give us a quick rating on your platform of choice and share this podcast with a friend. I'm hoping that tomorrow you take a chance and offer feedback when it's needed most.